I told him how I felt about him, at last!!! What was I thinking??? I don’t know. I really don’t know. But I had to tell him. It was the night before his wedding, just 20 hours or so before he would be some one else’s husband.

***

Every one was in a festive mood. His relatives and the bride’s relatives were all having the marriage-masti. Playing games, drinking, singing, dancing and having fun. I was there before two days. (Though I wanted to be here alone, Abhi insisted that he would join me. He had applied for a week-long leave and he thought that we would have fun with rest of them. I gave him one too many reasons to drop the plan, but he insisted. After trying for some time I gave up.) Abhi too was in the troops of the fellows who were flirtishly singing “roop tera mastana… pyaar mera deewana… bhool koi hamse na ho jaeeeeeee…” and he winked at me as he saw me passing by. I gave him a ‘bewda-kahinka’ kind of look and smiled. I dint stop for him though and continued walking towards the kitchen. I had to get hot water ready for his bath and had some errands to be finished before we slept. As I felt him grabbing me from behind and hugging me cozily, my steps slowed down and I clenched his hands to free my self. I was a little irritated, for no specific reason. As I tried doing it he grabbed me harder and told “kushti ka ek round ho jae??? For old day’s sakes???” I recognized the voice (it was not Abhi) and I froze. I almost forgot where I was and what I was there for. He realized that he startled me and he loosened his grip. I couldn’t turn. I was too conscious to look at him. He would know how exactly I felt for him. I knew that. Without turning I told him with a sort of casualness “kaam ke baad…” and gave a forced-fake laugh (sort of). I wanted to walk away, walk away so fast that I need’nt talk to him. But he grabbed my shoulders and turned me to face him. Thank fully I had gathered my self by then and when I faced him, I was ok. He dint exactly understand the ex-pression on my face and asked “tu gussa hai kya mere se???” I just nodded my head in negative and rapped his head with the paper I had in my hand and said “paagal hai kya??? Why the hell would I be angry with you???” I was convincing enough and he smiled back. He gave the same dimpled smile for which I still felt my heart skipping a beat and ruffled my hair and left. I stood there, stood there for two minutes???... or five minutes???... don’t remember. But I stood there looking at him leave me. I felt that it was symbolic of him leaving me for ever.

As I was gazing at him I felt another hug from behind. This time it was a naughty one and I knew for sure it had to be Abhi. He kissed me on my head and asked “paani garam kar diya saahab ke liye???” I turned back and hit him on his chest and shouted at him. I was almost in a fitt. He understood that I was a little too irritated and he started laughing as he grabbed my hands. He was shouting “maaf kar do jaanu… maaf kar do” I was still hitting him. He pulled my hands to my back and gave me a deep smootch to quiten me. As I felt his lips on mine and as he eased his tongue in my mouth I started calming. He started off soft and became softer. I just lost my anger in that kiss. He started brushing my hair with his fingers and pulled me closer to his body. I was completely calmed. Smacking my lips softly, he whispered in my ears “wanna join me in bath???” I just giggled and gave him a nudge in his tummy and said “paani ab tak garam ni kiya baba!!!” He continued kissing me on my neck and said “tum saath me rahogi to paani garam hone ki zaroorath ni hai shweetu… ur hot enough for me…” I pushed him a little and as I did that I could hear laughs and giggles from the other side of the room. It was the troops. They all were hooting and whistling and they started off singing “roop tera mastana… pyaar uska deewana… bhool tum dono se kahi ho jaeeeeeee…” I shoed them off and showed them the finger. Abhi snatched at me harder and said “biwi hai meri saalo… nazar mat lagao.” The response was the anticipated teasing and laughs accompanied with a little more of whistling. I just waved at them and pushed Abhi away and went to the kitchen humming the same song “roop tera mastana … … … ”

***

It was a tiring day. Any ways I finished all the small things I had to. The dresses me and Abhi had to wear for the wedding were ready, the jewelery I had to wear was decided and sorted, the gift we had to give was wrapped, Abhi had his bath and dinner, I too grabbed a small bite. Every small thing I had to do was finished. All that was left for me to do was have my bath and go to sleep. I pulled the towel on my shoulder and knotting my hair into the usual bun I started walking towards the bathroom. I heard my mom calling me from behind and I gave a large sigh and turned back. She beckoned me with a finger into the room and said “do minit ke liye yahan aana beta.” She was sitting with her courtship of all my aunts. As I entered the room I knew this wouldn’t be a two-minute business. There were all kinds of pattu sarees on the center table and every one was busy commenting on one or the other. I went and sat beside my mom on the sofas arm. She held me by my waist and said “Pick what you want… I’m buying.” I gave her a sweet kiss on her head and said “I don’t wear much of them Amma…you know that. I don’t want any more of them. Thankz anyways ma!!!” She rolled her eyes and told to my Peddi (her elder sister) “She looks so gorgeous in sarees. She is the only one who has the body out of the four girls to wear a saree and she is the ONLY one who doesn’t wear them. Ab tum hi samjhao na didi isko.” I was a little embarrassed by the open compliments my mum was showering me with but still managed to say “ammaaa!!! Kal pehan rahi hun na saadi. Wo bhi aap hi ka diya hua hai. Aap ko malum hai that I don’t like the a/c in those things. Poora pet dikhte rehta hai… ajeeb sa feeling hota hai ma.” And the reply I got was from behind and it again froze me. “Saadi pehan rahi hai tu kal??? WHAOW!!! First time hai na teri??? Teri shadi ko bhi tu ne ghaghra pehna tha… yaad hai mujhe. You would look sexy in the saree man!!! Abhi ko bolna padega ‘look out for Romeos’ ha ha ha.” Every one started laughing on this. My mum got the required support and she started off again “Dekho na beta… she is not listening to me. I asked her to pick one from this stack and she says she doesn’t want any. Tum hi bolo is ghadhi ko” as she said that, she hit me on my shoulder, a small rap. He went near the pile of sarees and picked a yellow one with azure broad border and brought it near me. He draped it on me and said “Ye killing rahega tere upar. And… its YELLOWWW.” I was taken back by his presence so close to me but thankfully was back into my senses and managed a “nahi yaara…” He came closer to me and draped a little more of it on me and said “Jhakaas hai na aunty??? Bolo isko. Heroine lag rahi hai… hai na???” Every one started asserting to it and my mum was more than asserting. Meanwhile Abhi also was there and he got what the exact ado was about. He said “Le lo jaanu. Mom utne pyaar se bol rahi hai. Don’t make her unhappy … le lo.” I had to cave in. Atlast I said “theek hai amma. Jo lena hai wo le lo…” For that Abhi said “The one on you is awesome shweetu. Take that. Koi bhi kyon???” I dint want to say ‘no’ any ways, so I just said “I am not the one who has decided to take. Right??? Jab tum logo ne decide kar liya ki lena hi hai, to KYA lena hai… wo bhi tum log hi decide kar lo.” He laughed and went near Abhi and started looking at me as if I was a show piece. Both were looking at me as if they were analyzing something. Both said at the same time “Hayeee!!! Bahut cute-cute lagegi tu is saadi me.” They were teasing me, as usual. I had to just listen to ALL and take that saree. I pulled my towel again and said adios to one and all and left to take my bath without replying or reacting to the comments and teasing those both were doing.

***

I was drying my hair in my room when some one knocked at my door. I was decent enough so I asked, who ever it was, to come in. My head was bent and hair was all in front of me. I didn’t see who it was. But as I saw the kitos I knew who it was and my heart started jumping… almost in my mouth. I set my self straight and was a little astonished as to why he was here at this hour. It was more than three hours after that saree drama, which was the last time I saw him. He looked a little lost and had some kind of puzzled look on his face. I was waiting for him to tell why he was in my room and followed him. He walked slowly towards the couch and slumped in it. He was staring at the flowers on the table. He didn’t look at me, at all. I still was holding the dryer in my hands and looking at him for some sort of a start. I thought he must be having wedding-jitters and sort of thinking as to how to handle his nerves. He at once looked at me and said in a very soft voice “I love you.” As I heard him say that, the dryer in my hands felt like a 100 ton shot-putt ball. I started shivering and could not even believe what I just heard. I knew I heard it, but I dint know if it was told. I was just staring at him. He knew what the effect of those words would have on me, but still he behaved other wise. I was still staring at him in disbelief. He didn’t move an inch. Neither from how he was sitting nor from how he had the ex-pression on his face. He had the same plain look stuck on his face when he repeated the same thing “I still love you.” And then again, he went silent. He was looking at me as if he could look through me, as if I were transparent. All this while I was just staring at him, with one hand help up in mid air with the dryer in it, which was on. When the heat wave from the dryer hit my cheek I snapped back. He was still sitting there, with the same no-ex-pression face. Though I came back to my senses, I could not find words, so I just kept numb. It was a situation where, what ever I would say, would leave me in regret.

P.S. --- wud try 2 finish it in da nxt post… waz 2 lazy 2 type da kumpleet shit… wurkin fo a munth widout a fuckin leev… juz had da furst 1 in weeks… been lazin aroun fo most uf da day… doin NOTHIN… feelz gud 2 do nuthin … mi8 get anoda free day afta a week o so… o not… whu knwz???... duzn mattr… wud try 2 finish it eida wayz… n evin if I dunn… whu da fuck karez???... no bother… peace!!!